It is my 39th birthday today. I am seriously good with turning 39. I like this age a heck of lot better than 20 years ago.
My daughter was asking me a few questions about when my mom died. And she asked me a question that brought me back to being 19 which had to do with my father remarrying. I had a hard time during that year because I felt so lost after my mother died. I wanted my dad to be happy even though I was not. Not because of his new wife but the longing for my mother. The pain and emptiness it caused in my heart. I didn't know my mother. As years went by that hurt remained. I wanted to know who she was.
Years have gone by now and I have a better understanding of who she was and what her purpose was here on earth. She has spoken to me many times through the years. Her voice clear and loving. She looks out for me and my children. She has a constant presence. And when I need to be told she finds a way to speak through situations. Or the blackbirds that just soar through or dance on my roof of my house. Or even nattering at my friends.
So over 20 years have gone. But driving home with my kids and telling my daughter the pain that it caused me then has made me realize how precious life is and that to put more effort into what matters. I thank the universe for those lessons over and over again.
Happy Birthday to me.
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